Temple of Holy Ironail

Song the First: The Naval Legend

23:45 Ironail is Great, Ironail is Merciful. Praise be Him, as we chant His story from humble beginnings. In the holy year 2011 of His reign on earth, Ironail discovered the game Afterwind, while browsing 4chan's /int/. He, in His infinite wisdom, recognised the game for what it was: a fertile hunting ground, fit for a Hunter-God like Himself to hone His skills and become the absolute best.

23:46 The early days were hard for Ironail, the Merciful, the All-Powerful, Watcher of the Orient. Many older, powerful heathen gods roamed the maps of Afterwind, hunting Ironail down. But little by little, He toughened up, and starting commanding the game with some skill. And then, He worked out an early winning combination.

23:47 Praise be Him who contemplated the earth of Afterwind and realised that Salvation lay within the shores of East Asia. He picked Naval Commander, and began unleashing doom and destruction upon his foes, from Taiwan and South Korea. He quickly became a terror of the South China seas and beyond, sending His Asian hordes into India and the Middle East with His super-fast transport ships. He burned a blazing trail of fire into the hearts and minds of the Afterwind noobs.
But He was far from the best yet. Many trials awaited His Magnificence.


Song the Second: Warborn Legion

24:48 It was around that time that Ironail the Great, Guardian of Mecca and the Lands of Arabia, was trying out the Caliphate of England as a naval starting position. A terrible and ancient God, Gigglin the Devourer, was playing in the Middle East and slowly swarming Europe with a million jihadi warriors. Ironail was soon pushed back to the confines of His domain, in the freezing Northern Wastelands of Britain and Scandinavia. But He held on, and one of His devout followers, dexter11, playing as the Golden Chicanos of Mexico, came to His rescue. Together, They beat back and ultimately vanquished Gigglin the Devourer, imprisoning him down under the sandy deserts of Iran.
And the Myth grew to become Legend...

24:49 A few days later, as Ironail the Everlasting Light of the East was playing as the Philippines, two higher gods, sificvoid, Lord of Nether, and Guest14502, Exalted Demigod of the Guest Swarm, saw Him for what He was: a dire threat to their supremacy. They banded together, and after a gruelling, brutal match in Eurasiafrica, managed to defeat Ironail, sustaining excruciatingly large losses. It was one of the darkest hours of the All-Knowing, All-Seeing Ironail, and yet, good came of this defeat. Sificvoid, Lord of Nether, offered Ironail a choice: join the Warborn Legion, his screaming horde of five billion fanatical warriors, or suffer defeat. Ironail the Great, the Opportunist Deceiver, could not pass up such an accession into the highest playing field of all: coalition wars.

24:50 There was a coalition, peerless amongst them, called Semper Fi. It was a pantheon of the most evil and powerful old gods ever to walk the Afterwind lands. Gigglin the Devourer; Specter the Infernal; MarcJr, God of War; n00less Cluebie, superior denizen of the seventh Hell; and many more lesser gods, all reviled and feared across Afterwind. On the Warborn Legion's side, such holy Champions as Ironail the Fearless, LiodaGobert the supreme Tactician and the Jungle Voodoo master, Pinheiro, formed a small yet resilient bulwark against the tides of Semper Firian darkness. Sificvoid, Lord of Nether, ordered his troops into one final titanic conflict of yore, whose outcome would shape Afterwind for a long time thereafter

24:51 Then came the war. The horns sounded, and the champions rose to the call. Ironail, a grand master in the art of godly conflict by then, was chosen to champion the Warborn Legion. He chose two lesser deities, Okmera and Kletian, and together They set out against three of Semper Fi's most daunting bloodletters: n00less cluebie, Gigglin and MarcJr. Ironail's supreme strategies, His peerless gift for commanding Naval troops, combined with Kletian's holy endurance in Pakistan, won the game for them. It was our Lord Ironail's most glorious hour in ancient times.


Song the Third: Decline and the Lost Years.

25:52 The land was wrecked. Flames from the deaths of the Semper Fi gods left Europe in ruins and smithereens. The Warborns were shattered and exhausted themselves, despite being victorious. It was a grim Dark Age of Strife, in which Our Lord and Saviour, Ironail, Shining Beacon of Faith in the East, roamed the lands, holding the tattered and singed banner of the leaderless Legion up for anyone to see. New entities were arising in the borderlands, eager to carve out a space for themselves in the devastated wake of Semper Fi and Warborn Legion. Ironail attempted to fend off these new threats, but he was eventually taken in and assimilated by /int/ we believe in, the largest and shittiest of these goon swarms.

25:53 Ironail, Champion of a Thousand Wars and Spiritual Leader of a Billion Souls, continued to gain power and skill. He became a revered member of the community, rising in strength, rep and SP. But there was still something missing in His religion. His arch-nemeses fell one after the other in front of His seemingly unstoppable might. He entered the top ten of all powerful entities of Afterwind, surpassing even His old master, sificvoid, Lord of Nether. He led /int/ to many a great victory, but all the while He realised that /int/, due to Russian control, would never satisfy Him. In the end, He quit /int/ without a second glance, once He saw that these lesser mortals would not revere Him as they should revere Him.


[to be continued...]

Song the Fourth: Glorious Renaissance under BiteMe! and the 1st Crusade against Perfect Defence.

26:54 Praise be on Ironail the Great, the Merciful, the Clement One. He will show us the way as we recite His glorious tale. After leaving /int/, Ironail joined a powerful gathering of decent players called BiteMe. Their leader, Hugosch of Flanders, was a mild-mannered man of great nobility. He had the inconvenient characteristic of abusing the all-powerful Perfect Defence strategy, which carried him several times to victory over Ironail the Humble, in mock matches of course. This didn't trouble Ironail, as He knew that challenges were good for Him: they prevented complacence and kept Him on his toes, ready for whatever the future held.

26:55 The Glorious One, the Defender of the Black, Red, Mediterranean, Caspian and Persian Seas, Ironail the Holy, continued to rise in power, eventually surpassing in allure, in reputuation, in SP and in skill everyone except Gigglin the Devourer and Knight Zizou. When the splinter cell faction of /int/, led by the infamous Vafika Cristo (himself another old god), coalesced into the repugnant Kanker Elysium ("Glory Fields of Cancer"), He stood strong alongside Hugosch de Flandres, and together they took the brunt of the assault. The Greek and American demigods, Fruit and Aristosseur, minions of Vafika, tried to ensnare Him with lies and deceit, telling Him "your Heart will Explode", "you are at home only in Kanker..." His faith was shaken, but Ironail persisted in believing that BiteMe! was the righteous path for Him. He stood proud and tall, his skills honed to godlike perfection after the many hours of trying to beat PD. The vile Kanker swine was shattered, and Vafika the Moor banished to a deep realm of unconsciousness, only to resurface many years later.

26:56 Ironail the Wise, in His boundless generosity, decided that a Champion was needed to represent His faith among the mortals of Afterwind. To this end, he organised a tournament, calling upon only the bravest and noblest to join in and fight until the bitter finals. Not surprisingly, out of the three finalists, two were BiteMe members: Champion Solstrand, a personal favourite of Ironail's, and the Asian Dragon: Philipho. The third was Aristosseur, the wily Greek demigod who had sought to abase Ironail in the past.


Song the Fifth: Fall from Grace and the Kanker Corruption

27:57 In the end, they got to Him through one of his most trusted devotees: SuperiorCacaoCow. Aristosseur and Fruit whispered foul words of deceit into Cacow's ears for days on end, driving him mad with grief and trolling insanity. To finally break him, Vafika and his one-time associate, one of /int/'s two Russian bears, Rushkaball, devised a vile and cunning plan: they impersonated Ironail, using the letter "L" instead of the "I", to trick Cacow into thinking that his God was being rude and uncaring to his desperate plight. This drove Cacow to commit suicide, and he was reborn into Kanker as a fully-fledged Troll, scion of Vafika.

27:58 Ironail the Unyielding, His Fabulously Divining Grace, understood only too late what had happened. In a fit of furious godly wrath, He smote down Vafika and Rushkaball for a second time, but didn't succeed in destroying them utterly, although He reduced Vafika to something barely alive. He held up the BiteMe banner for a little while longer but without Cacow, and with Solstrand trapped in the northern wastes of Norway, and on top of that, Hugosch de Flandres being MIA, the outlook was bleak and grim for Ironail the Stoic.

27:59 Dark and brooding, our terrible Lord Ironail gradually lost his mind, even as he accrued more and more power. His old nemesis, Gigglin the Devourer, was left in the dust of ancient history. Only the powerful, otherworldly entity known as Knight Zizou remained between Ironail and the top spot. After fitful dreams of tortured nightscapes for nights on end, His Mind was warped forever. He brought the BiteMe! banner to the ground, defiling it with His own black, cancerous blood, and arose from the steaming Marshes with reddened eyes and a new purpose. He joined the infernal reaches of Kanker Elysium, delighting Himself in the slaughter of innocent noobs, and the gang rape of thousands as he consistently allied with His two new demonic supporters, Fruit and Aristosseur. The world trembled and although a few people tried to stop Ironail, it was too late. Burning skies of Woe heralded a new age of Trolling and Misery.

27:60 Through infernal communications devices known as Skype, Ironail and His followers revived the demon Vafika Cristo, and a sundering of the world began: an unholy crusade of evil to rid Afterwind of anything good, or anything Kanker claimed was faggot-like.


Song the Sixth: A Gleam of Renewed Hope and the Ancient Gods' Return

28:61 After one year of crusading by the side of Evil, the ancient powers that originally shaped Afterwind began to stir. Sificvoid, Lord of Nether, came back with a vengeance, and with Voodoo Master Pinheiro, they reformed a watered-down version of the Warborn Legion of yore. Guest14502 returned from stasis, determined to cleanse the foul pit of overflowing corruption and tumour-filled cancer that was Kanker Elysium. But no matter how long they banned Him for, there remained the matter that Ironail, Great Deceiver and Sunderer of a Thousand Alliances, was unmatched in the battlefield.

28:62 A few fantastically foolish people still dare rise up to Ironail even today, as his soul is blacker than night and a void of uncaring has replaced his once-warm and generous heart. Philipho, to date, has managed to destabilize Ironail, Charred Husk of the East and Warden of the Fields of Glorious Cancer, once. This portends to a hope for the Afterwind world, and the recent splintering of Kanker Elysium into two factions has led to a halt in their unrelenting Crusade. Indeed, who can tell now if Aristosseur will decide he wants more power, and lead his followers on to fight the shattered remains of Kanker, which are now exclusively composed of evil's two greatest champions, Vafika the Insidious Moor, and Ironail, the Everlasting Lord of Destruction.


Only time will tell.

<reserved>

Napísal KnightTemplar2083, 30.07.2011 at 20:41

Good thread!

Thanks Rushka!

Lol this is funny xD i supprot ironail as my god x--D

Gott strafe Frankreich!
>4chan's /int/
>infiltrating KC
Pig disgusting. WE SHOULD HAVE ACTED.

Also, don't you have anything better to do (like masturbating) rather than typing out entire tomes of butthurt?

PS: I am the overlord of /int/ infa 100%, not the Russians. Ska-boo is my Theoden and I am his Wormtongue.

Stomachulcers has reviewed this thread and rated it 0/10

Zizousim post was funnier

Why so clone, ironail?

Napísal Shiny Suicune, 02.08.2011 at 07:17

Why so clone, ironail?

I started this shit of Jesus Christ. Ironail is my noob account so I can do this shit. Fucking mainstream bitches copying me.

This is true. Vafika gave me the Ironail account but he regularly goes back on it to troll the living daylight out of everyone. By the way, when you see Ironail kicking ass, it's Vafika playing, not me.

Gods require mystery. They must be untouchable and unknowable. This is why we follow Zizou. He Who Never Speaks.

We shall not follow False Gods.

Verset 4, Gospel 61: And Ironail said, "Let the Portuguese be mad", and the so they were.

Napísal Vafika, 04.08.2011 at 20:59

I'm mad because I wasn't mentioned?

Dude I no longer play this game and why should I care about fame on a game?

What makes my but hurt is how people randomly shout: "How he's a good player and I totally lost to him on that match because he's better than me.". Being beaten by other players doesn't make them good nor' it makes them the better players on AW. It actually means that you actually suck.

Ironail sucked Learsters balls until he found that Learster uses cheap tricks to win.
Ironail sucked my balls until I stopped playing and came back a noob.
Ironail sucked Aristo's balls when Aristo found IF Austria.
Ironail sucked Hugosch balls when PD Ukraine/GW Greece.

Inb4 Pinheiro comes and deletes my posts for massive butthurt and fanaticism for Ironail.

You people need to stop idolizing people and need to start knowing how to copy others people tactics.

Copy fucking Ironail since he copies other people. THAT'S CALLED LEARNING AND BEING SMART. SO GO AND BE IRONAILS.

Bump for Ironail

Mods this thread is insulting to my religion, pls lock it

praise be

Et tu, Fruit?

This is, actually, decent writing. Would be nice to read more.

Napísal Fruit, 20.10.2011 at 18:54

Mods this thread is insulting to my religion, pls lock it

I'm afraid there's missing "song the seventh, The Rise of TopHats"

Ba......... I make new church.

Srbs......

After 75 years of deep slumber, chaotic forces stir again...

This is the only religion with martyr and resurrected saint, zizouists come at me.

Napísal Aristosseur, 01.02.2012 at 07:31

This is the only religion with martyr and resurrected saint, zizouists come at me.

True dat. zizouism bad, I'd prefer being a Ironnailist or a Lilian.

Napísal Aristosseur, 01.02.2012 at 07:31

This is the only religion with martyr and resurrected saint, zizouists come at me.

Zizou has taken your core beliefs from you, all your reps are belong to zizou

Ironail back? i though u were perma'd?

Ironail still pro, will update this thread with more scriptures soon.

Napísal BASED Ironail, 15.06.2012 at 21:09

Ironail still pro, will update this thread with more scriptures soon.

Yes, please do. And I say remember the oppression from LilD.

While it may be beautifully written...ironnail...you are one fucked up dude that you took time out of your day to write that much down...there is something called outside...and life...explore it...your soul may wake up again...